Friday, 20 January 2017

Ch-ch-ch-ch Changes

I'm making a pizza for my friend Dave. It's not quite ready yet, so while its undercarriage gets a little more toasty, some thoughts have travelled down to my still floury fingers. Tipo '00', of course.

The next little while will likely see some significant changes, both in terms of what's going on in the wider world as well as my little one. I've partially sworn off the "wide world of 'fucking hell we're all doomed!'" until that weird guy takes over, so instead - here are some upcoming changes in my wee bubble. (Hehe...wee bubble.)

Standing at the top of this year, I look way back at 2015 as an annus horribilis, personally. Without labouring the point, the situation I found myself in on returning to Australia tore me to shreds.
2016 saw great improvement, in no small part due to friends who have borne my sadness, instability & confusion with grace and compassion. My sadness began to lift, my giggles are frequent & true and I have had cause to experience and express joy again for the first time in....too long. Such was the improvement that I got back on a stage again in November and I gotta tell ya, I fucking slayed...mostly. So there.

That said, the year obviously didn't end with 'just as we think they will be lost to one another forever, their eyes meet & they rush into a perfectly smooth embrace (no pointy elbows), enraptured gazings, Hollywood kiss, roll credits.' Some old issues still exist and some new ones have arisen.

Next Monday I shall begin two challenges simultaneously. The first is a journey I have embarked upon before, but this time, I have determined, is my final departure. For over half my life I have struggled with a pharmaceutical drug dependency. There have been periods of abstention, most notably during the American years when the drug was unavailable. So before it becomes far less available in Australia in 2018, I'm going to kick it for good - I'll be starting a short term treatment program. While happy to answer questions about the whole thang should they arise, at this point I'm more focused on just letting you know it's happening and getting on with it.

Challenge the number 2: I have resolved to become a vegetarian. Late last year I gave it a whirl for a week or so, with one foot in the 'healthy' and the other in the 'ethical'. This time around it's both feet firmly planted in the ethical. Not firmly enough to go vegan, yet, but as much as I love the taste of meat, I can't see any rational reason for me to eat it unless I am prepared to kill it myself.  Pretty much the same as my view on capital punishment (although I'd probably not eat a serial killer unless I was absolutely fangin'). So, that be that stuff.

I've also yet to put down any kind of taproot with regard to living circumstances. While I have been in stable accommodation since last Autumn, I have yet to find permanent accommodation...and am acutely and ever more anxiously aware that this must happen soon. My current 'hosts' have been amazing beyond words & I owe them in many tangible and intangible ways. But I need to start by not being there anymore. So if I could ask you to keep your ear to the ground, whether in Brisbane or Melbourne, please do.

Finally, some news about my heart. In an extraordinary turn of events, my elephantine triglyceride levels have had none of the effects one might expect for a person with enough lipids in 'em to fill a bathtub. And no, it wasn't because of ice cream. However, while undergoing these tests, an anomaly was detected. At first it was quite blithely dismissed as rare but meh, a benign epilogue to the happy ending. Now I am getting the distinct impression that it could be a 'name above the title' star.  I'm reluctant to give more detail because I don't have it to give but...well, for now let's just say it may result in a few more visits to the hospital than previously expected.

This life has involved quite a few dodged bullets...some the ordnance of childhood, the shrapnel of which I occasionally dislodge as it works its way up to the skin. I've even fashioned a few high calibre ones and fired them at myself. Most missed, sometimes I hid 'round the corner...some I caught in my teeth.

Still here. Still determined. Still silly. Still have much to give.
Thursday's child has far to go...

Fuck it, let's have some Bowie:

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